


Escapist Fantasy

by Teddy_Feathers



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Gen, He moves in with the skeletons, Mages are like plants to skeletons, Trans Male Character, its good to have a bunch around, or maybe catnip, self indulgent, self worth issues, very very loosly ties into my the hollow man, working out the worldbuilding issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-10-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:42:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23621761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teddy_Feathers/pseuds/Teddy_Feathers
Summary: Sometimes you just need to get away from it all. Too bad no matter where you go, you take yourself with you. Looks like Felix is going to have to face his problems but he's not going to do it alone.
Relationships: Papyrus (Undertale)/Original Male Character(s), Sans (Undertale)/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cleaning out my drafts of some self indulgent shit

"You, you cant just adopt everyone who has a problem Papyrus!" His voice is a bit too high, a bit too harsh with the shock. 

_Move in_ with Papyrus and his huge ridiculous family? It was almost painful, the sick feeling of dread Felix had been dealing with the past month _and now this_. 

Oh there was an absolutely selfish part that wanted to accept the help but he _refused_ to take advantage of Papyrus that way. Even if his friend looked hurt by his refusal. 

"I Am Quite Aware of That. I Am Not A Child." He replies in injured tones and Felix feels his already over strained emotions give another little wrench. 

He slumps, rubbing his hand over his face, wishing not looking at his friend made this easier. "I know that but really, I'm not great with. Things. Any of them." Felix had to look up or admit he was hiding and trying not to cry, so he did, straightening his spine too. Maybe he didn't have much but he always had his pride... and his shame. "I barely hold down a job, and rarely for more than a year. I'm bad with money, have nothing to fall back on, have squandered every opportunity in my life - hell you know that, you've heard me bitch about it!" 

He stares into Papyrus' empty sockets and tries to _will_ him to listen and _understand_. But all he sees is the same stubborn set of his jaw that he'd had when he came in today. "Look, if I lose my job I'm. I'm not going to be okay. Probably worse than I've not been okay in a while. And I don't want to do that to you. I'd be worse than useless and -" 

Apparently he'd had enough of listening to sweet reason, because he cuts Felix off abruptly. "-Then Do Not Let That Happen!" He says firmly, like he's just bursting with the belief that everything was simple and going to turn out alright in the end. 

Papyrus, he knew, was a person that tried, and in some ways he was proof of the idea that a person who tried was one who succeeded. If opportunity didn't knock, then go to opportunity's house and politely camp outside until it saw things your way sort of idealism. 

Felix unfortunately, had grown up as a very different category of person and knew it. "Paps... I'm not at my best right now - and I'm trying I really am, but that doesn't mean its going to be enough to the people who check my work. I just can't beli-" 

"-Yes, Yes, I Understand That - But You Aren't Listening Again!" Felix gritted his teeth against the hundredth urge to snap that no _Papyrus_ wasn't listening because he didn't want to accept that Felix had every reason to disagree. Slowly, as if he hadn't said this already, he explains his plan once more. "If You Quit Your Job, Move Across the States to Live With Me, You Wouldn't Have to Worry About Losing Your Job! We Are Friends and I Want to Help You." 

Felix's eyes burn from frustration and he stands and struggles free of the bench. "What am I supposed to do? Just live off you like some mooch? That won't make things better, and would be a fucked up thing to do to you." He gestures sharply when he sees Papyrus open his mouth, this time cutting _him_ off. "And yeah sure I can get a job over there, but how long would I keep that one? I just," The angry energy leaves him and his voice breaks. "can't keep doing this. I don't even want to try anymore." Too his horror his vision goes blurry and he shifts his gaze away to study a blank wall he couldn't even see. 

He hears Papyrus get up but pride keeps him rooted in place, even when he feels a hand on his shoulder. The grip is firm, long fingered skeleton hand pressing into his skin in reassurance that was as painful to deny himself of as the hope had been. 

"I Believe In You Felix. Look At You, You're Still Trying When You Want To Give Up. But Its Okay to Need Help, And Its More Than Okay to _Want_ Help Even When You Think You Shouldn't Need It." Felix sucks in a shuddering breath at that, but Papyrus keeps talking. "I Already Know Things Are Difficult Right Now. I Even Know That You're Pushing Yourself Past Your Limit And Are Going To Need Time To Recover. But Felix I'm Your Friend And I Know You. You Are Not Lazy, You Will Be Up And Achieving Your Goals In No Time After A Much Needed Break - A Break I _Want_ to Give You And You Are In No Way Burdening Me With."

Felix's head sways but his body doesn't. Its like hes rooted in place with only the hand gripping his shoulder to hold him up. Every word had been like a blow - it was something he didn't know he desperately needed to hear but felt too good, too shameful to believe in. How could Papyrus believe in him when - a fresh wave of despair rolled over him and the tears that had been threatening spilled over. His breath hitched into a sob but that didn't stop him from protesting "I don't even have any goals." 

"Then As Your Friend I Will Help You Find Some." It was said so firmly, so certain, as if it were all so simple that Felix couldn't fight against it anymore. He crumpled forward into Papyrus's chest and hugged him and cried, cried like he hadn't in years. The firm arms were surprisingly soft as they wrapped around him. 

Later - _much_ later, after giving notice, packing, trying to get rid of things and being gently bullied into keeping them instead - in the uhaul and on the road, Felix asked himself again if he were really sure he wanted to do this. 

Papyrus had been his friend for three years, for two of those years Felix had only know him as 'Cool' short for his online handle of 'Coolskeleton95'. They had met when the much more popular man had started leaving comments on Felix's 'Sometimes Delicious Disasters' cooking blog. 

Specifically what attracted his notice seemed to be the spaghetti series. Basically he had tiered recipes based on energy levels, affordability, prep time, and finally taste. Really he wasn't all that good of a cook, but some people, Papyrus included, appreciated seeing that even when everything went wrong in the kitchen something edible could come out of it - even if it was just the 'better luck next time sandwich'. 

The comment wasn't all that out of the ordinary - just another 'have you tried' and then a rather relatable story about setting his kitchen on fire - but Felix, or 'Disaster' as he was know online, made it a point to comment back on what replies he got on his blog and everything spiraled from there.

Cool apparently was one of those who didn't know how to let a conversation politely die, and Disaster started to really appreciate his remarks on all of his posts - especially the bigger failures. It really didn't make sense, Cool's follower count was top tier popularity, he couldn't _possibly_ have time to carry on endless conversations and take note of all his followers doings but... he sure made a good showing of it.

Then one day Cool held a live stream to play a rage game and after all the support he'd given Disaster it felt only right to go lurk at least. At first the chat was packed and lagging with fans but the longer Cool played the more people dropped off. Turned out Cool didn't really rage all that much. Oh he was obviously frustrated but despite the fact he wasn't making a lot of progress he just kept at it. People got bored watching basically nothing happen for hours on end, but even when the chat dwindled it still had a hundred or so people rooting for him or making side conversations. 

It had been Felix's day off and he didn't mind just hanging out, it was almost relaxing, Papyrus's voice telling the chat that he almost had things figured out - no challenge was too great for such a cool dude! Even if the game seemed particularly disinclined to cooperate. - even though it was obvious he hadn't made any real progress or change for a long while.

After that he went to any streams Cool held - even the less popular one's that were supposed to be about Cool writing his autobiography and largely ended up being watching a blinking cursor while he rambled on about things that had apparently happened in his life. For whatever reason, there was one time where only a handful of people were in the stream. Maybe five, Felix couldn't quite remember. But Cool turned on the voice chat and that must have scared the others away until it was only Cool and Disaster. 

What they talked about hardly mattered but it started something. Their conversations on the blog strayed beyond awkward cooking comparisons into personal ones. In the streams Cool would say hi to Disaster when he joined in and Disaster didn't lurk as much as he just idly made comments to his online friend. 

He joined Cool's discord, found out they both particularly enjoyed a cult classic and ended up in a fierce discussion about the book's merits versus the film and somehow it only felt natural to carry the conversation into a smaller server where a couple hundred people wouldn't be chiming in. That smaller server was for Papyrus's closer and actual friends as it turned out and over the last year they'd grown even closer than that - making a point to call every few days, face timing while in the kitchen, reminding each other of appointments, and to take breaks. 

And then this visit. The plan had been for Papyrus to come down and Felix would show him around. His town was a minor tourist destination so they could spend time together. But Felix couldn't get off. And then he kept getting written up until he was on his last warning. And then the break down.... Now he was moving across the country to live with his friend and it was a relief but also a whole new kind of stressor. 

Was this smart? They'd never interacted in person and now they were going to _live_ together. That was a huge step. What about Papyrus's family? He'd had the odd awkward conversation with some of the cousins - "I swear every time Stretch speaks it makes me want to beat him up more." Felix half jokes and half glares at Papyrus as he returns from whatever had pulled him away. Papyrus sighs, but its easy to see that he's grinning too. "Everyone Says That At First." Felix considers this. "So he grows on you?" "Like An Unfortunate Kind of Fungus." Papyrus agrees. - but _never_ the brother. 

"You're Thinking Negative Thoughts Again." Papyrus softly chides him from the driver's seat, and Felix starts guilty. The first half of the drive the silence had felt awkward but he had grown used to it, comfortable even. 

He stretches a bit, pushing his back against the seat and reaching out to the dash with his arms. "Not really." He hedged a bit. "Just wondering if your family is _really_ okay with you bringing another person into the house. Aren't there like ten people living there?" 

"Eleven now." Papyrus grins at him and Felix feels his own mouth twisting up in response as he relaxes back into a lean against the arm of the door.

He huffs and rolls his eyes. "Well now its uneven, we're going to have to vote someone off the island." 

Papyrus's sockets have returned to the endless seeming interstate ahead but even from the side its obvious his expression goes positively wicked. "Oh Well Then, I'm Voting for Squire. He Keeps Leaving His Cigarette Butts In the Flower Pots." 

Felix gives a startled laugh. "Woah and here I thought my pacifist friend was going to say maybe we should kidnap Abby or something." Abby-Normal was another friend from the chat. "But here you are trying to get rid of a whole family member. Tsk tsk." 

Papyrus shook his head. "Abby Wishes to go to Europe, Not Colorado." Which was fair, she had learned two languages already and was working on a third. Colorado probably wasn't engaging enough a place for her. "Besides, I Am Not Talking About 'Taking Him Out Back and Shooting Him'," Felix made a low disappointed sound even though being quoted made him smile. "But I Do Think Getting Out There and Doing Something With Himself Would Do Him A World of Good." 

The smile dies horribly on his face, and he quickly turn his face back to staring out the window trying to hide his expression which probably looked as suddenly awful as he felt. 

Either it wasn't fast enough, or the sudden quiet after the banter gave him away, because Papyrus gave a soft tsk of his own. "Now Do Not Take That to Heart. I Am Very Proud of You Coming Out Here With Me - and You Even Completed Your Two Weeks Without Giving into Fear and Quitting. You Really Are Doing Amazing You Know." 

Felix feels his eyes burn but there's no threat of crying. He thinks he's about cried himself dry over the last two weeks. "I don't feel amazing Paps. I feel... Like I'm just running away." 

There isn't an immediate reassurance and Felix appreciates that. Papyrus never tried to force him to feel different, even when what he was feeling was overreacting or stupid in some other way.... Even when he obviously disagreed with whatever happened to be going on in Felix's head. 

When finally does break the silence, he forces some levity into his tone. "But hey, at least I'm running away with you~" 

Papyrus doesn't take his eyes off the road, but he reaches out and shoves him. Its weird because they've never been close enough to physically interact before, but a good weird. Felix grabs his hand, holding on enough that he'd have to pull away with some effort but not enough that it would be a real struggle if Papyrus really didn't like it. "This is nice, now we're holding hands." 

Putting a dramatic quaver in his voice he presses the captured hand against his chest. "Oh if only the Capulets and the Montagues would let us be together, then we wouldn't have to flee in the dead of night-" 

"- We Left Yesterday At Noon." Papyrus corrects, but sounds amused. 

"-in the glare of day, to be together." Felix's face hurts from his huge grin and Papyrus is smiling too - though from his calls he could absolutely tell that was _only_ because his his face was set like that.

"Are You Done Yet?" He asks dryly.

Felix pretends to think about it for a moment. "Hmmm. I think so, yes." 

"May I have my hand back so we do not end up as bits of twisted meat, metal, and dust strewn across the road?" Papyrus continues in that same causal dry tone. 

Graciously Felix releases him. "You may."

"Thank You Ever So Much Juliet." 

"What!" Felix squawks, indigent. "I am _so_ much more of a Romeo than you!" 

That argument took them most of the rest of the trip - Papyrus finally only conceding when Felix pointed out that of the two of them Felix was _much_ more likely to mistake a sleeping person for dead than he was - and as they pulled up the drive Felix only realized how much better he had felt when his anxiety descended back upon him like an old familiar blanket. 

The house was big. 

Logically he had known that with ten people it must be but... This was a three story - two above ground, one below - house. From their calls he knew they had a pool in the back yard - and that the back yard was at least a couple of acres large itself. 

The front had huge windows to take in the view of the city below, and two balconies absolutely littered with pots and flower boxes. The attached garage looked like its own miniature house, and it fit five cars easily - though when they parked the uhaul inside there were only three there. One wall was covered in tools and things Felix could only guess were used in the maintenance of vehicles, and another wall had hooks spaced all over it to hold things like bikes and shovels and other things he only got a glimpse of. 

"Well, Home Sweet Home." Papyrus tells him, turning off the car. 

Felix jolts a bit and then shakes his head at the man. "No, home sweet _mansion_. Dude, are you _sure_ you want someone like me living with you?" 

Papyrus frowns at him and obviously considers and discards what were likely chastisements about his self deprecation and instead says very deliberately, "Of Course I Want You Here. I Would Not Have offered Otherwise. Or Helped You Pack. Or Driven Two Days. Or- "

Felix flaps his hands at him. "Okay, okay, I get it." He takes a deep bracing breath and then says firmly. "Thank you." 

Papyrus reaches out, pats him on the shoulder, and gets out of the car. Felix follows, pausing to stretch and luxuriate in being able to freely move about before heading to the back of the truck. Unloading and unpacking would probably go as efficiently as packing and loading had with Papyrus around. 

Which left him a lot of free worrying room for hoping he didn't make a fool of himself meeting Papyrus's ridiculously large family face to face.

The room Felix was to use was in the basement. Apparently even with windows monsters didn't want to be any amount of underground anymore, which was fair enough. The only other things down there were the maintenance closet with the hot water heater, and a room being used as a cellar because they bought in bulk. 

The room had been filled with extra electronics but all of that had been cleaned out leaving a room that was actually bigger than the one he had left behind. And as the only person living on his floor, Felix didn't have to share the bathroom - it even had a shower. 

"so you're the charity case?" 

He jolts, nearly dropping the box he was carrying. Heart pounding he looks up in sharp shock - the room had been empty the last few trips but now there was a person in the room. 

Unmistakably Red, grinning sharply at him and belatedly his brain processes the words causing his heart to constrict painfully in his chest. 

_He knew this had been a bad idea, he knew-_

"... If you don't want me here I can go, I thought -" The words rush out anxiously, but the skeleton shrugs and makes a dismissive gesture deceptively casual considering how closely the pinpricks of red light watched him.

"nah don't get your panties in a twist, if Paps wants you here that's enough for me. he just never said what your problem was. is it money?" There's something awfully eager in his voice, like finding out what kind of fuck up Felix is is going to be the highlight of his day.

He tries to explain, the words coming out quickly "No, nothing like that its-" only to be cut off again.

"-addiction?" 

"No! I-" 

"relationship gone bad?"

Frustrated his voice raises a horrible octave and he blurts out the first thing that comes to mind completely unfiltered "You! You're my problem right now!" 

That made the man shut up. Felix swallows hard, feeling sick from how knotted up he is inside. "I didn't mean -" 

"- heh. m' jus' yanking your chain buddy boy." Red is suddenly less intense. More relaxed. Even his voice had lost the edge of eager schadenfreude and now was nothing more than a lazy drawl. "welcome to the house yada yada and all that jazz - ya need any help with anything, you can always ask... literally anybody else." 

He goes to leave, path inevitably taking him to the door Felix seemed to be stuck in, somehow he belatedly managed to awkwardly slide out of the way box and all so Red could go through. 

Abruptly, it seemed, he was alone again.

Felix set the box down next to the stack of others and then, instead of straightening up, he slowly curled into a ball, forehead touching knees and hands holding ankles as he tried to remember how to breathe without giving in and sobbing. 

_He couldn't do this, he didn't know why he had thought he could._

It was overwhelming. Just the small, judgmental or joking - he couldn't tell - interaction with _one_ of Papyrus's relatives, and not even the most important one.

Papyrus had numerous cousins who all lived in this house, people he would have to be reintroduced to and go through the impossible task of explaining what he was doing here. Inevitably alienating them and making Papyrus regret bringing him here. What was he going to do? 


	2. Chapter 2

The night air is unexpectedly warm. 

The backyard is lit by the light of the moon. It hung heavy and large and impossibly close in the sky and for a while Felix just stood by the sliding glass doors and stared.

"heya, know the view is out of this world but is it really worth a standing observation?"

He jolts at the low voice, not quite yelping an instinctual "What?" as he catches sight of Papyrus' brother sitting in one of the nearby lounge chairs.

"heh. cant all be winners. ya wanna pop a squat pal?" Sans reaches out a skeletal hand and pats the chair beside him and Felix's mind scrambles for a way out of this. 

He'd avoided everyone, stayed in his room at dinner claiming to be too tired from the trip, and only come out for fresh air - and only after he was certain everyone would have gone to bed. He didn't know how to face anyone just yet, wasn't sure he wanted to ever... no matter how ridiculous that was. 

"oh i uh sorry i didn't know anyone was out here - i can go."

"nah, had something i wanted to ask ya anyways." 

His heart sank. "oh okay yeah sure." 

Felix sat. 

"do you think stars have feelings?"

It takes a moment but Felix snorts in laughter. "Really?"

"no, you just looked so serious i couldn't help but mess with ya. so. ya settled in?"

"uh yeah. With papyrus' help I'm all unpacked and everything. i really appreciate -"

Sans waves a hand as if brushing it aside. "s'all paps. i got nothing to do with it." 

"Hes really good."

"he is. hes a cool dude."

Silence falls.... but Felix can't take it. "so what _did_ you want to ask me?" 

"are you going to be okay?" Its said with such sincerity that it hits him like a sucker punch. 

"What?" wheezes out of him, and his tenuous reclining snaps into sitting stiffly upright, heart pounding. 

"are you going to be alright" Sans repeats patiently. It hurts, the kindness of it, from a virtual stranger. He hardly knew any of Papyrus's family and his blood feels like ice water running through his veins at the thought of what he must have had to tell them all about Felix. 

"I - I don't..." He struggles to find the words to find something to say in reply, a hundred useless excuses clogging his throat and wrecking his ability to speak. 

As if Sans could read his mind he waves a hand, the gesture light and airy as the night itself, before tucking it back under his head. The feeling of being put on the spot suddenly vanishes as Sans looks easily away from Felix and back to the infinite, distant, and uncaring starscape. "Paps didn't say much, but he seemed to think you could use some good food, good friends, and bad laughs. Don't worry, there's plenty of that around here." 

The tightness in his chest eases somewhat, and he too looks up at the night sky. There's silence between them for a few moments before finally, reluctant to shatter the calm he'd managed to regain, Felix admits "I don't know." 

He doesn't look at Sans again, but keeps his face tilted up. "I'm scared." 

Quiet settles again as they both contemplate the vast unreachable sky. The distant lights twinkling in an inky black, unmarred by light pollution. 

By the time Sans replies, Felix has relaxed enough to settle back in the lounge chair and just look. Just breathe. 

"Nothing wrong with being scared."

Felix huffs. "Just don't give up?" He knows this. Knows exactly the sorts of things Sans will say - hes been telling himself them often enough... It just doesn't help. 

"hmmm oh no. giving up is fine sometimes too."

"No its not."

"it is. you can give up as many times as you need too. just keep trying." 

"You know. there's a famous quote about there being no try only do or do not." He sounds bitter and he is. All his life he had been told -

"yeah and as a certifiable genius let me tell you that's a load of shit." The harshness of the reply jerks him from his self pitying reflections. Sans sockets have little pinpricks of white light in them usually, but right now they're large and bright, as if filled with something as he turns his head to look at Felix. Compassion maybe. Or sincerity. "you try a little every day. some days you can try harder than others. there's no shame in that. do what you need to do. or what you can do. or what you cant not do. don't compare your progress to others. just do whats best for you."

Just as it had when talking with Papyrus, hope hurts. It comes with doubt, with fear, with self loathing. Felix sits back up and asks - no, _demands_ "Well what if i cant do enough? What if i don't want to do any of it? What if i _can't_?!?"

Sans doesn't move, staying reclined with his arms propped behind his head, his calm surety clashing with Felix's passionate despair. "who determines whats enough? set the bar as low as you need to... this isn't a race. there isn't a judge here for you. we've all got our problems we're all trying and helping each other out. and if you cant or don't want to deal with shit for a while that's fair enough. we've all been there. you'll get better and i'm here to tell you that you get to decided what better looks like. no pressure." 

Silence falls between them and Sans watches him patiently as he struggles to come to grips with, with this simple _acceptance_. It felt like he had been scanned down to the very heart of him and hadn't been rejected...By anyone but himself. And that was a hard thing to face.

"I want to be better than this." 

"well then we'll help you figure out how to get there. you're with friends now. and if anyone acts like less than a friend to ya... tell paps. he'll straighten everyone out."

"Why are you being so nice to me? Aren't you..."

"what gonna pull the over protective big brother routine? get on your case for taking a helping hand that was offered to ya? nah. sides I've been there..." Sans shrugs and turns back to the sky, signalling it seemed, an end to the conversation.

This left Felix with a lot to think about. If Sans wasn't going to beat him up - figuratively or literally - if his friend and his friend's older brother at the very least thought that even now, even at what felt like his lowest, Felix was worth helping out - even if he didn't get better immediately or somehow got worse - then... why did he feel any different about it? 

Scratch that - it wasn't exactly 'why did he feel like he had to beat himself up' it was 'why did Felix hate himself more than the people who he felt should hate him most?' 

He felt like he was tricking them but what sort of arrogance was that? Just like when he had accused Papyrus of trying to save the world - like he didn't know what he was getting himself into, like they couldn't see him for the person he was? Did he think he was some master manipulater? Did he think they were stupid?

No. _no_... 

Felix slowly, stiffly, moved to recline on the lounge seat again. He looked up at the stars but didn't really see them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somthing a friend told me recently
> 
> "You're allowed to struggle you know  
> You're allowed to cry  
> To drag your feet  
> To laze about  
> And wallow  
> That doesn't mean you're not worth it  
> You don't have to be perfect, or at least as hard on yourself"


End file.
